Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
from now on my penis is your penis
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
