mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
