I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
