i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
