trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
