Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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