It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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