Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
