now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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