After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
