You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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