When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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