Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
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You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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