i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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