Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
