I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
