im calling her cock vulture from now on
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize