she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
