That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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