That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm at about main and main street
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
