just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
