just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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