I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize