You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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