If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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