Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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