He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
it hurts more in the daytime
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize