I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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