we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
