I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
