I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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