It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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