I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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