Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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