I cannot find my penis.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Randomize
