when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
