Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
