Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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