I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize