Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
