the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
