She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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