im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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