He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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