just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
