I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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