there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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