ya dads aren't the best wingmen
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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