I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
