well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
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He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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