i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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