why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
