At least make sure they are 18
Why
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
