apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
