Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize