laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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