White coat. Heels.
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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