its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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