i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
