It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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