We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
