when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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