I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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