I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
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He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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