dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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