y did u give ur computer a hand job?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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