I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
