Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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